RAIN

The four steps

The example An email from your manager late in the day: “Can we talk tomorrow?”

1. RRecognise

   What’s happening right now?

   Name the feeling simply: anxious, hurt, angry, ashamed. Notice where it sits in your body.

   For example

   Anxious. A tight chest, and a sinking feeling in my stomach.

2. AAllow

   Can I let this be here, just for now?

   You don’t have to like it or agree with it. If allowing is hard, allow that: “I’m struggling to allow this, and that’s okay.”

   For example

   Okay, anxiety is here. I don’t have to sort it out tonight.

3. IInvestigate, kindly

   What does this feeling need me to know?

   Ask with curiosity rather than to analyse. What am I believing? What do I most need right now?

   For example

   I’m believing I’ve done something wrong. What I need is some reassurance, and not to be on my own with it.

4. NNurture

   What would help, right now?

   Offer yourself some kindness: a hand on your heart, or words such as “It’s okay to feel this way”, “I’m doing my best”, “I’m not alone in feeling this”.

   For example

   A hand on my chest. “Of course this stirs you up. You’re doing your best.”

5. Afterwards

   Pause, and notice how you are now. Nothing has to have changed. If something has eased, even a little, let yourself notice that.

   For example

   Still a bit anxious, but steadier. I could ask what it’s about.